Tripp Atkinson

Pastor, Speaker, Consultant

Christian Living

The Most Important Person You Lead

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“You are the most important person you lead today.”

That can’t be true, can it? It sounds a bit selfish, maybe even arrogant. Certainly I’m not more important than my kids, or my spouse, or the ministry I lead. I may be the leader of a team, but I’m called to humbly serve that team. After all, isn’t servant leadership about making yourself the least important person in the room?

Jesus Christ was the ultimate servant leader. But Jesus also demonstrated an important principle… I must lead myself well if I’m going to serve others well.

I must lead myself well if I’m going to serve others well.

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Jesus’ Model for Self-Care

Commissioned with the most important mission and ministry in history, Jesus was certainly driven and busy. But even with people pressing to get to him with needs, Jesus repeatedly took time to withdraw from the crowds.

Jesus was divine, yet he was also human and had legitimate human needs. Though completely dependent on his divine nature to lead and empower his earthly ministry, he cared for the physical realm through which that power and ministry flowed.

After ministering to the crowds, Jesus made a practice of withdrawing and refueling before he poured himself out again. Jesus practiced and modeled good self-care. He didn’t hide his physical or emotional needs, but asked his friends for support. While Jesus’ life certainly involved rigorous service, sacrifice, and suffering, it also involved self-investment and self-care. By making it a practice to invest in himself, he was better able to humanly care for those whom he was called to lead.

The most important person you lead really is yourself. Through investment in yourself, you are able to best lead others. A spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy you honors God and best fulfills the incredible calling God has entrusted to you.

Consider those in your life you would think of more highly than yourself. Don’t you want the best for them? Don’t they deserve the best you?

Lead them well by leading yourself well today.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. – Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

Good self-care begins with self-awareness of your comprehensive health.

All of You: Why Your Comprehensive Health Matters

You matter to God.

In fact, every domain and aspect of your life matters to God.

The apostle Paul notes God’s holistic concern in 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24:

Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.  God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.

God wants to impact every area of our lives, and he wants us to use every area of our lives to love and glorify him. When questioned about which commandment is greatest, Jesus responded,

The most important commandment is this: “…you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” The second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” No other commandment is greater than these.  – Mark 12:29-31

God loves all of you, and he want you to love and honor him with all of you.

Comprehensive health matters because we are to love and honor God in every aspect of our being, relating, and doing.

What is comprehensive health?

Comprehensive health, or holistic health, refers to one’s wellness in each area, or “domain,” of life.

While there are several popular models used to divide life into domains, I find the model developed by Michael Hyatt to be most helpful. Hyatt identifies ten interrelated life domains, grouped together into larger domains of “Being,” “Relating,” and “Doing,” as follows:

BEING
– Spiritual: Your connection with God
– Intellectual: Your engagement with significant ideas
– Emotional: Your psychological health
– Physical: Your bodily health

RELATING
– Marital: Your spouse or significant other
– Parental: Your children if you have any
– Social: Your friends & associates

DOING
– Vocational: Your profession
– Avocational: Your hobbies & pastimes
– Financial: Your personal or family finances

Hyatt stresses the interconnected nature of each domain. For example, job stress can impact our physical and emotional well-being, strain our family relationships, and isolate us from friendships. Lack of health in one domain can quickly erode well-being in a number of other domains.

Because of the interconnected nature of each domain, it’s imperative to understand each domain and constantly assess our health in each area.

 

 

Your comprehensive health matters because…

 

1) It honors God.

Simply put, we were created to honor and glorify God (Isaiah 43:7, Romans 11:36, Colossians 1:15-20). 1 Corinthians 10:31 reminds us, “whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

Comprehensive health is really a matter of stewardship. The apostle Paul reminds us that we do not belong to ourselves. Everything we have, even our own bodies, were given to us by God and belong to God.

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

How we use our bodies, minds, talents, and resources is all a matter of stewardship. As we are good stewards of each domain, we honor God.

2) It impacts your witness.

In his final moments on earth, Jesus reminds his followers of their mission: “…And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere…” (Acts 1:8). We are to be witnesses for Christ, not only in word, but in example. In the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20), Jesus clarifies that part of that mission is to “Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you.” If we are to teach everything Jesus commanded, that includes teaching on finances (Luke 10:29-37, Romans 13:6-8), marriage (Matthew 19:4-6), friendship (John 15:12-17), and rest (Matthew 11:28-30).

Jesus had much to say about being, relating, and doing.

Ultimately, our lives are to be a reflection to the world of what Jesus thinks about identity, relationships, and how to experience abundant life in him. All of this points to the most important message at the heart of our calling:

So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” – 2 Corinthians 5:20

3) It impacts your service.

Ephesians 2:10 reminds us: “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” There is no doubt that we were created with purpose to honor and serve God well. Our health in each domain impacts the quality and longevity of our service. For example:

  • Spiritual health leads to an awareness of the leading of the Spirit of God and the bearing of spiritual fruit.
  • Emotional health leads to greater emotional intelligence (an awareness of our emotions and those of others) with which we can better empathize and care.
  • Physical health leads to wellness and more energy to serve well.
  • Financial health paves the way for increased generosity to meet needs.

Because the health of each domain impacts the others, if we desire to serve well we need to be intentional about each aspect of our health. Comprehensive health is a big deal because it impacts how we honor, represent, and serve God.

Comprehensive health is a big deal because it impacts how we honor, represent, & serve God.

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It is at the heart of the Great Commandment to love God with everything we have. What greater motivation is there to get moving on the path to holistic health?

 

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.  – 3 John 1:2

 

I want to help and encourage you in your journey to comprehensive health.  Click the image below to check out a resource that can help you win.

Remember, you are the most important person you lead today. Honor God by leading yourself well!

Navigating Life’s Inevitable Crises

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What do you do when life gets a little crazy and you find yourself in the midst of a crisis? Pastor Tripp Atkinson and family counselor Anne Ford share some principles on how to navigate those inevitable crises and come out better on the other side.

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Stuff happens.

It’s a fact. I even saw this helpful reminder on a bumper sticker recently. (Well, the message was similar to this.) But the fact remains that crises, both big and small, are a part of life. Sometimes there are warning signs that a crisis is on the horizon (drastic changes in students’ behavior, etc.), but sometimes crises are sudden and unavoidable.

Whatever the crisis, there are certain keys to navigating critical situations that will foster healthy relationships and success on the other side.

Here are 7 keys to navigating life’s inevitable crises…

1) Breathe & Pray. (Get still)

In moments of crisis, there are all kinds of things going on physiologically that can cause panic or anxiety.

The fight-or-flight-response (or acute stress response) is a physiological response in reaction to a threat. The adrenal gland produces adrenaline and noradrenaline (as well as a small amount of dopamine), that act as “messengers” to put your body into overdrive. All these messengers going crazy can lead to what Anne refers to with children as a “mud mind” (vs. a clear mind).

When your mind begins to get muddy, you need to clear it up. Start by taking a breath.

Seriously, take a breath. Just breathe.

Slowing down gives you an opportunity to physiologically settle the messages so that you can think through the emotion. It is never a good idea to make important decisions when you are in a highly emotional state (HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired).

As you hit the pause button to breathe, immediately take your situation (and that emotion) to God. Stop and pray. 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us of why we should pray in moments of crisis:

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Jesus cares, and he offers something pretty incredible for those who would take their anxiety and troubles to him. Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

The Apostle Paul speaks to the power of prayer in moments of crisis in Philippians 4:6-7. He says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

How incredible that in moments of crisis, God’s peace can guard our hearts and minds! Isn’t that worth slowing down and praying for?

The Psalmist reminds us that God is always ready to strengthen and help (Psalm 46:1), and that he can take us to a place we cannot attain on our own when we are overwhelmed (Psalm 61:2).

In moments of crisis you have two choices: run to God or away from God.

2) React in light of the Big Picture. (Get perspective)

It is so important in crisis to get perspective. Sometimes the stress of a crisis can cause us to lose sight of what’s really important. We must make sure that we give value what is most valuable. For example, if your child tells you some shocking information about poor choices they have made, the temptation may be to immediately think of what others will say about this. In this scenario, we must remind ourselves that our relationship with our child is more important than our reputation among other parents.

How we relate to our child in this crisis is most important. Our reaction to this crisis sends a message to our children and shapes how they handle stressful situations.

Children will imitate your response and reaction.

Here is an unpopular exercise, but I challenge you to try it:

Go ahead and think about the most shocking thing your child could ever tell you. (Not fun, right?!) Now think through how you would handle that conversation with your child. What would you say? How would you react? What message would be most important to communicate?

That initial reaction is key. It’s ok to say, “I need time to think about this.”

Anne stresses the importance of affirming our child in this moment. Saying, “I don’t know how I’m going to handle this yet, but I know I love you and we will get through this” values and assures your child, without condoning any poor choices that may have led to the crisis.

Remember, you don’t have to condone an action to affirm a person. Even though there may be significant consequences you have to enforce, it can be done from a place of love and value. Consequences given in love are exponentially more effective, as they teach a lesson while adding value.

3) Seek Wise Counsel. (Get wisdom)

Pastor Chuck Allen strongly encourages families in crisis to MINIMIZE THE VOICES around them. In times of crisis, know that there will be a multitude that will have an opinion on your situation. While well-intentioned advice may be appreciated, it is not always helpful. Minimize the voices by identifying a small and trusted group you can turn to for counsel.

Make sure your group includes the following:

God.

Sounds obvious, but how many times do we seek answers elsewhere first and only turn to God when things get dire. Why not go to him first?!

One of the most wonderful promises is in James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” We all love free stuff, but so many miss the most wonderful “freebie” that God offers to anyone who would ask…wisdom. If the Creator of the universe offers to not only comfort and give strength in times of need, but also give us wisdom in navigating crisis, He should always be our first source of counsel.

King David understood the power of God’s Word to guide us when he noted, “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path” (Psalm 119:105). At a time when there are countless thoughts and ideas running through your mind, come back to the truth of God’s Word, and react in light of truth.

Are you spending more time worrying about your situation, or praying and seeking divine guidance?

Faith Community (friends, family, mentors).

While we seek to minimize the voices, we should be aware of certain people that God has placed in our lives that can speak truth and offer Godly counsel. This group should be small and trusted. Ask the following questions before taking advice from this group…

Helpful questions to ask before involving friends / family:

  • Does this person want God’s best for me?
  • Do they love me enough to tell me the truth?
  • Is this person living God’s best for their life?

If someone is trusted and wise enough to be considered in this group, listen carefully to what they say. Sometimes those who tell us what we don’t want to hear are the very ones we need in out lives (Proverbs 27:6).

Objective Counsel (pastor, counselor).

As much as trusted family or friends may be able to speak wisdom and truth into your situation, having an objective counselor that is removed from your situation is invaluable. Pastors and professional counselors can uniquely provide insight and counsel based on their training, objectivity, and experience from others who have navigated similar situations.

Anne reminds us that you don’t have to have a major crisis to benefit from a counselor. It’s part of a healthy life. She has seen great benefit in her own life from having different objective voices speak into her life and that of her family.

She agrees with King Solomon (known for his wisdom), who said,

Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. –Proverbs 13:10

Important: Anne also reminds us that how we handle information matters to our children. There may not be a need for social media to know every detail about your family crisis. Be wise in how you share information, especially regarding your children.

4) Game Plan. (Get focused)

I stressed in an earlier session the importance of having a Parenting Plan (click here for more info). This is especially important during times of crisis. This allows you to clearly define the wisdom and counsel you have prayerfully sought. It also gives you the opportunity to (literally) get on the same page with others who are navigating this crisis with you.

Based on wise counsel, Bible reading, and prayer, put the following things on paper:

Truth

Identify truth about yourself and your situation. Don’t allow your mind to dwell on things that are not true. Write down any wise counsel you have received before you lose perspective. Reflect on truth from Scripture that speaks to your identity and your crisis. Allow this to be a place from which you take action.

Action Steps

Make a list of actions steps, identifying the most important and immediate items first. Also use this moment as a chance to look ahead. Sometimes “beginning with the end in mind” can give great clarity on what is needed to get there. Doing this can aid you in identifying systems and healthy habits that can help avoid some similar crises again. This can also bring great clarity to ways to cope with anxiety, anger, or fear.

Coping Strategy

We all cope with stress differently. Many times, the temptation is to cope in ways that are unhealthy (substance abuse, unhealthy eating, self-harm, etc.). While such methods may provide a (false) sense of temporary relief, they only add to our problems and ultimately magnify the crisis. Game plan healthy ways to cope with stress that will benefit you, both short term and long term (exercise, hobbies, uplifting music, arts, etc.).

Make sure your game plan includes daily times of meditation, Scripture reading, and prayer. Your spiritual growth is the best investment you will make. (Fore more info on developing a good routine, click here.)

5) Face it. (Get moving)

Once we’ve identified what’s important, Pastor Chuck encourages focus on one thing: “WHAT IS THE VERY NEXT STEP?”

In times of crises, we can become paralyzed by anxiety, fear, grief and the seemingly impossible task of facing another day. In these moments, keep your eyes on the next step. Certainly you can do that one thing!

Act now. Don’t avoid having that tough conversation. I recently worked with a family that was in the midst of significant crisis, but the parents didn’t want to have a tough conversation with their teen about it. What could have been confronted and addressed immediately turned into a long, tough seasons for this family because the parents were trying to avoid a tough conversation. Don’t avoid needed conversation! It won’t get any easier, and the dread of having it will only add to your anxiety.

Deal with whatever consequences need to be dealt with. Face the facts. Do the next thing. Don’t be like so many who come to counseling repeatedly just to talk about what they need to do. You can do that one thing! And then you can do the next, and then the next.

When the big picture seems too big, don’t give up! Just do the next thing.

6) Keep communication open. (Get connected)

I’m amazed at the number of families that shut down communication in times of crisis. In seasons when families most need each other, we must fight the temptation to withdraw because we don’t want to talk about the crisis.

In these moments, we must remember this about communication:

The crisis does not need to be the ONLY thing you talk about.

Don’t let it consume you. If children think that every time they are around you they have to talk about the crisis, you will probably see them not wanting to hang around as much.

Focus on the person, not just behavior.

If your crisis is a result of someone’s behavior, they probably already know they messed up. While behavior certainly needs to be addressed, there is more to the person than the crisis.

Sometimes we just need to LISTEN!

I can be so bad at this with my own family because I am a “fixer.” As soon as my family starts talking about a problem, I am formulating a game plan to fix it. My loving wife stopped me one day mid “game plan” and let me in on this relational secret. She said, “Tripp, I don’t need you to fix the problem right now. I just need you to listen.” She reminded me in that moment that the relationship was more important than the crisis. I was recently talking with a student in crisis who verbalized the same thing. Communication was rough with his parent and I asked him what he needed most. He replied, “Every time I try to talk to my dad, he jumps in with solutions. More than anything, I just need to be heard by my dad.”

A big part of listening is seeking understanding. Pray that your heart will be open to truly hear and understand those who are hurting with you. Anne reminds us that telling your child “I understand” is typically not as comforting or convincing as we may think. If you are truly listening, your child will know when you understand them.

Communication is a process.

If your family only communicates in a “family business meeting” setting, communication is probably not very organic in your home. Unless healthy communication is the norm, don’t expect conversation to be easy in times of crisis. The key to healthy communication is connection. Connect and communication will come. Anne stresses the importance of letting your child know they will have time to connect with you each day. She encourages at least 15 minutes a day for special time with your child. This is not the time to talk about behavior, but to let them direct the conversation. (I discuss what this looks like for my children here.) This time communicates value and creates an environment for ongoing connection. This connection will lead to communication, in good times and in crisis.

Choose your battles.

So many parents make crises out of things that really don’t need to be one. As parents, if we don’t learn how to choose our battles, we will probably find our homes being in a constant state of crisis and conflict (especially during the teen years). Sometimes, instead of making a huge deal out of something you could say, “I trust you to handle this situation appropriately. I’m here if you need any help.” This not only communicates trust and value, but also leads them towards responsible independence in handling difficult situations.

7) Allow God to Use your Crisis. (Get peace)

No one enjoys times of crisis, and naturally our focus can become how to get over or through the crisis as quickly as possible. When it comes to our children, most parents want to rescue their kids from any struggle or pain that comes in times of trouble. (Even if they got themselves there.) But let’s remember that times of crisis can be some of the best teaching moments in our child’s life. Perhaps the best thing we can do for them is let them feel the weight of a situation and coach them through it. Don’t be too quick to avoid conflict. Don’t be too quick to avoid crisis. See it for the unique opportunity that it is.

My family has been through a number of significant crises. During one of these crises, I remember praying day after day, “God deliver me from this! Change these circumstances!” One day I felt compelled to pray differently. Instead of focusing on deliverance, I prayed “God, I know you can deliver me in your timing, but would you choose to use me in the middle of this? Teach me, help me to grow, help me to learn. Use me to minister to other people who are going through a similar circumstance.” This prayer changed my life because it changed my perspective on my situation.

The number one question I am asked by people is crisis is “Why?” “Why am I going through this?” “Why did God allow this to happen?” While I certainly don’t know why everything happens, I am quick to point to the words of Jesus in John 16:33:

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Jesus promises trouble on this earth. The root of this trouble goes back to Genesis 1 in the Bible. When sin entered into this world, it began to destroy the perfect harmony God established in creation. Sin decays and rots. This is why we live in such a messed up world. Sin is why people die of cancer. Sin is why bad things happen to good people. The very reason we find ourselves in crisis today is the result of sin’s effect on this world. And this is the very reason Jesus came to earth… to deal with sin and to offer a way for us to not have to suffer the consequences of sin forever. (For more on this, click here.)

In times of sorrow, pain, and crisis we need to remember that this world is not our home. Jesus said to “take heart” for he has overcome the world. Put your hope and trust in him. Let him carry you, teach you, refine you, and use you in a dark and broken world to be a light to those who are hurting.

You are not defined by your crisis and you are not defined by your circumstances. Stop buying that lie and live in truth!

YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES Stop buying the lie and live in truth!

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It is now part of your story and your story is a part of God’s story. Anne reminds us that “there is power in brokenness.” Use this trial as a time to grow. Let God teach you, empower you, and use you for his glory. Run to God. Rest in his embrace.

Chuck Allen closes each service at Sugar Hill Church with this beautiful reminder:

Would you let the Lord go before you and make a way? Would you allow him to make your crooked path straight? This is what he does. Would you allow the Lord to go within you and bring you peace, joy, fulfillment and contentment, because he is always good and you are always loved? Would you allow the Lord to come behind you in days that are difficult and pick you up and carry you, not around whatever problem you’re in, but right through the middle of it, so he can set you down victoriously on your two feet, wipe away your tears, kiss you on the forehead and wrap his loving arms around you as you hear your Savior, say, “My child, I love you.”

Even in times of crisis, you can walk in peace!

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For a video of this breakout seminar & more resources from SHC’s “Becoming” series, click here.   You can also get more parenting resources in your inbox by subscribing to this blog above.

10 Regrets Every Parent Can Avoid

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Parenting is really, really tough. It seems that as soon as you start figuring out a few things, your kids are grown. Because of this, some of the best lessons are found in what others have learned before us along the parenting journey. These lessons are usually conveyed as statements of regret. Having worked with parents of graduates for over 20 years, here are some of the biggest parenting regrets I have heard the most.

 

1) “I regret not investing more time and energy in things that matter most.”

I typically hear this most right after high school graduation or about a semester into college. Especially when their children begin to struggle, parents ask what can be done to get their children to be committed to Christ and an active part of a supportive church. The problem for many is that they have spent years up until this point making other things a priority in their kid’s lives, and never made time for spiritual development or a commitment to church. I hear so many parents express regret over investing countless weekends and resources in things (ie. travel sports) at the expense of commitment to church.

If we have taught them for years that leisure activities are more important than church, why would they be convinced differently when they get to college or have their own family?

Challenge: Identify what matters most for your family. Once you have identified those values that are most important, let those things drive how you prioritize your time and resources. Talk about family values with your kids and let them in on how priorities drive decisions in your home. Make spiritual development a big deal. Make Jesus the biggest deal. Value family over stuff. Keep the main things, the main things.

Remember, YOU dictate what’s important.

 

2) “I regret not getting the leash right.”

This one is all about freedom and discipline. If the end goal is to prepare students for responsible independence by the time they graduate, then we have to take a measured approach to freedom and discipline. We (parents) often get this backwards. The least amount of freedom should be given when they are young (think “short leash”), but as they mature, children should be given opportunities to earn more and more freedom. As they fail, we tighten the leash and use discipline and coaching to help them learn and grow. We then give them more freedom and the opportunity to prove their responsible independence.

When parents reach out to me in crisis and let me know that their kid has failed in some area, I often catch them off guard by saying “congratulations!” While I am truly sorry they are in crisis, I want to remind them of the incredible opportunity they have to help their kids fail well. These are learning opportunities that are (hopefully) rare.

Challenge: Give your kids opportunities to fail. I promise, it’s OK. As they do, coach them through it and help them grow. Measured independence and discipline should both be very intentional. Be wise in the dangers you expose your kids to, but realize the very best time in their lives to learn lessons is when they live in such close proximity to loving parents who can help them grow and learn to make wise choices.

Remember, the goal is not raising perfect kids…but prepared kids.

 

3) “I regret not spending more quality time together.”

Every parent will one day find themselves cleaning out a closet full of broken toys and outdated electronics. While these are all things that were given out of love because their child “needed” them, eventually both children and parents realize these were not the things they needed most from their parents. I have never had a college student tell me that they regret not having more “toys” in high school. But I have had countless tell me that they regret not spending more quality time with their family. While quantity of time is important, it is the quality of time that makes the biggest impact.

I once planned a “Family Game Night” at home as a cheap alternative to taking my kids to an expensive entertainment venue they had been asking about. When I tucked my son in bed that night, I was thinking he was probably disappointed in having to stay home and play games with mom and dad. To my surprise, he gave me the biggest hug and said, “Tonight was the best night EVER!”

Challenge: Don’t buy the lie that you serve your family best by working more hours to buy them more “stuff.” Of course parents love providing nice things for their children, but let’s not lose sight of their deepest needs. Let your calendar reflect an intentionality to capture quality time with your kids.

Remember, the greatest of presents is your presence.

 

4) “I regret not having meaningful conversation with my kids.”

I’m amazed at the number of parents who feel like they don’t even know the person they drop off at college. In a device-age, families are struggling more and more to actually connect with each other. Many are checking social media to find out what is happening with their kids. While being attune to their social media presence is certainly good, there can be a false sense of “knowing” each other based on snapshots and carefully composed taglines. Meaningful conversation takes time and cuts beyond what they do to who they are.

Challenge: Create time and space for communication in your home. There are two environments that tend to encourage meaningful conversation in the home.

#1 Dinner Table – Reclaim the dinner table as a sacred place for intentional conversation. This starts with banning devices (absurd, I know) and asking open ended questions. (“What is one good thing and one bad thing that happened today?”)
#2 Bedside – When children are babies, parents tend to spend a ton of time by their beds talking, telling stories, and praying together. Too many stop doing this as their children get older. Commit individual time with each child each night to pray, share stories, and talk about those things that matter most. Steer the conversation towards their greatest needs. (unconditional love, acceptance & value, and significance & purpose)

Remember, at their core, children want to be known. Do the hard work of making that happen.

 

5) “I regret not parenting my kids as individuals.”

Great teachers and coaches know that you can run a classroom or program with defined culture and set rules, but you must teach and coach students as individuals. This concept is especially true in parenting. One-size-fits-all may work for some things, but not parenting. Each child is wonderfully complex, and truly one of a kind. While there are certain needs that every child shares, each child has their own personality, temperament, learning style, giftedness, and unique needs. To lead them and grow them, you must understand and play to those differences.

Challenge: The more you know your child, the more you understand what it takes to motivate, challenge, encourage, discipline, and coach them. Don’t get lazy by failing to parent your children as individuals. Don’t get hung up on it being “unfair” to use different parenting strategies for each kid. If the goal of parenting is to best prepare your children, use those techniques and strategies that best capture their individual heart and play to their unique originality.

Remember, one size does not fit all in parenting.

 

6) “I regret trying to be a friend, when they needed a parent.”

It’s a shame that our kids do not realize just how cool we actually are. Because they (especially teens) struggle to see this, some parents go to great lengths to prove this to them. The temptation in this is to take on the role of their friend, and abandon the role of a parent. While your kids will have opportunity to have a lot of friends, they only have one opportunity to experience what you uniquely offer them as a parent.

Challenge: Parent them while you still have that opportunity. When your children are grown, you will have a chance to be their friend. Use this limited time in their lives to lead, love, correct, coach, and disciple…as a parent. Embrace your unique role in your child’s life. Don’t surrender the blessing of parenthood for a lesser role.

Remember, the most significant role you can have in your child’s life is PARENT.

 

7) “I regret conforming to what other parents are doing.”

Peer pressure is real in parenting, especially when coupled with the constant overture from your kids “but every other parent is doing it!” When faced with difficult decisions, it is certainly easy to look around and survey popular opinion. While a “go with the flow” approach to parenting may be easier in the moment, it certainly does not give you the best long term returns.

Challenge: You are accountable for what God has entrusted to you. When faced with difficult parenting decisions, do the work of praying through the decision, searching biblical wisdom, and seeking Godly wisdom from trusted sources. Ultimately, you must parent based on what is best for your child and what supports your parenting aim.

Remember, Godly counsel is infinitely more reliable than popular opinion.

 

8) “I regret being a manager and not a leader.”

Sometimes being a parent feels like you’re a scheduler, an Uber driver, an air traffic controller and a personal shopper all in one. There are days where the objective may just be to manage the chaos, get everyone where they need to be, not kill anybody, and let’s just move on to another week! Have you ever just wanted to fast forward through a day, week, season, or school grade? These feelings can be especially common when we (parents) allow ourselves to get in a managerial mindset.

Challenge: Don’t let the craziness of life rob you of the blessing and opportunities of parenting. This is all about perspective. We can either grip the steering wheel and grit our teeth as we drive to ONE MORE practice or event in rush hour traffic, or we can see that 30 minutes in the car as an opportunity to invest in our kids. We can turn the radio up and sing our guts out, roll down the windows (although not while singing, or our kids will hide), or talk to them about what their sport is teaching them. Those times of managing that crazy schedule can actually be some of the most valuable teaching moments and times of discipleship your family will ever have. We are parents, teachers, and spiritual leaders. Let’s redeem every opportunity to lead.

Remember, everything on your schedule provides an opportunity to lead.

 

9) “I regret not helping my child own their faith.”

I see so many students who go off to college and spiritually crash the first time Professor Wine & Cheese challenges their faith. When they are told that their faith is a crutch, their parents are wrong, and that Christianity is for those who are weak-minded, so many students don’t even know how to respond. The absolute best thing we can do for our children is to help them own their faith in Christ. This involves not only leading them to know truth, but helping them understand why it is true.

Challenge: Put in the work to help your children know what they believe, and why they believe it.  Help them discover, and allow them to question. Don’t freak out if they have doubts or ask tough questions. Now is the best possible time for them to explore their faith and “work out” what is true. So many parents don’t encourage this because they fear their kids may ask them questions they don’t know the answer to. One of the most powerful things you can say to your child is “I don’t know, but it is important enough to me that I will help you find the answer.” The most important legacy you can give your child is well tested truth. How are you helping them own their faith?

Remember, your children cannot live off of your faith.

 

10) “I regret not having a plan.”

We have a plan for a lot of things in our homes… a financial plan, a retirement plan, a meal plan, a plan for extra-curricular activities. All of these plans are important because we know that “If we fail to plan, we plan to fail.” But what about a parenting plan? Do we have an actual plan for how we are going to avoid the types of regrets mentioned above, or do we plan to make it up as we go?

Having a plan is so important, it is a HUGE part of what I do in ministry to students and families through our Grounded for Life spiritual growth plan. In fact, before students graduate from Student Ministries, we lead each student through a process of writing an ACTUAL PLAN of how they are going to experience God’s best for their lives beyond graduation by living out the truth of God’s Word. (For more info on Grounded for Life, click here.) Putting a plan on paper has proven to be so much more effective than simply graduating with good intentions.

Challenge: Don’t overcomplicate this, and don’t put this off. Write down those things that matter most to you as a parent. Use these statements of regret from other parents as a guide to create intentionality in each of these areas. Once you’ve identified those things that matter most, tweak your schedule, budget, and boundaries for your home to reflect what you really want for your family. Share these things with your kids and share them with friends and family who can offer you encouragement in these areas. As you invest time in this, be encouraged that you are doing work that will shape the lives and futures of your kids, and grandkids.

Remember, most parents do not plan to have regrets; they just don’t plan NOT to.

 

Grandparents

This is an important reminder for grandparents as well. One of the blessings of being a grandparent is you get a “do-over” of sorts with those regrets you may hold on to from parenting. You get to take all the lessons you learned as a parent and pass them on to your children as they navigate the same unknowns, fears, and trials of parenting their kids.

You get to have a unique and powerful voice in the lives of your grandchildren. Embrace your special role as a grandparent, and continue your ministry of building a legacy of faith that will impact generations to come.

 

If these thoughts were helpful at all, please feel free to share them as an encouragement to another parent.  If you want to be notified of future parenting articles and helps, you can subscribe by scrolling up, dropping your email, and hitting “subscribe.”  For more information on how I can partner with you and your family, check out www.sugarhillstudents.com. 

For more parenting resources from this series, check out sugarhill.church/becoming.

7 Questions to Ask Before Dating

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Wk 2 from High School series “Status” at Sugar Hill Church.  For more information on how your Middle or High School student can be a part of teaching series like these with hundreds of other students, check out www.SugarHillStudents.com.

When students ask if a dating relationship is a good idea, my answer is always the same.  “It depends.”  I’ve seen some high school relationships handled extremely well, and they have proved to be mutually encouraging  and beneficial.  I have seen other high school relationships (OK, most of them) that end in heartache, regret, and ruined friendships.  Much of this pain and regret can be avoided by taking the time to wisely and honestly answer a few questions on the front end.

“Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” – Proverbs 19:2

Here are seven questions to ask to determine if a relationship is a good idea…

7 Questions to ask before dating…

1) Am I being led by the Lord?

You may have talked to a best friend or sibling about it, but have you talked to God about it?  James 1:5 states, “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”

God also leads us through the power of his Word (Psalm 119:105), the prompting of his Spirit (John 14:26), and the counsel of wise mentors (Proverbs 19:20).

The best advice I ever heard on discerning the will of God was this: “Walk with God, and he will never lead you out of his will.”  God wants the very best for you…allow him to lead you to it!

2) Are my parents supportive of this?

I know, I know.  Your parents know nothing of this dating thing.  It’s a brand new concept that’s only been around a few years.  And besides, they want you to be miserable, right?!  While some students actually think this, there comes a time for virtually every student (typically a couple of years into college) when you will realize the wisdom and value of parents.  I have seen many, many students determined to be in a relationship against their parents’ wishes, only to have major regret later.

If you are in high school, here is the bottom line:  while the Bible does not specifically call you to be in a dating relationship in high school, the Bible does clearly command you to honor your parents.

“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” – Exodus 20:12

If it is God’s will for you to ultimately be with someone, it will still be his will when you graduate high school.  Honor your parents.  It is not worth ruining your life-long relationship with your parents for the less-than-2% chance you may end up marrying your high school crush.

3) Do I know why I am dating?

There are two questions that will help you clarify this.

– What is the purpose of dating?  Serious question.
– Why do I want to date this person?  This answer will reveal a lot.

Write your answers to these questions on paper.  Seeing it can bring good perspective.  (You may also want to bring these answers to the conversation with you parents about dating.)

4) Am I fulfilled apart from the relationship?

God did not create Eve to complete Adam…or the other way around.  He created them to help each other. (Genesis 2:18) While God certainly does use us in each other’s lives, God never intended for others to be the primary object of our fulfillment.  No guy or girl will ever be able to save you from loneliness, depression, or insecurity.  God didn’t create them to do that.  God created you to seek him first (Matthew 6:33), and to be in a relationship with him before you seek fulfillment in anyone else.

We can only experience fulfillment in a love relationship with Christ.  In such a relationship, we begin to realize our true identity in Christ, and can begin to embrace our unique design.  As we do this, we can experience authentic relationships as a part of the body of Christ.

From lonely to fulfilled graphic. Tripp Atkinson

Moving from lonely to fulfilled.

(For more info on how you can find fulfillment in Christ, check out this article: “From Lonely to Fulfilled…“)

5) Are we going to help each other seek fulfillment in Christ?

Consider each aspect of the graphic above.  Is this person going to encourage you in these areas?

Here is some Scripture to consider:

2 Corinthians 6:14, “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?”  Is this person a follower of Christ who is growing in their love relationship with him?

1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.'”  I’ve heard many students state that God could use them in a dating relationship to change someone.  While God certainly can use us in the lives of others, this is a VERY unwise approach to dating.

2 Timothy 2:22, “Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.”  So much heartache could be avoided by rightly discerning the motives of the heart.

So if you are convinced that the other person will encourage you in each of these areas, then will you honestly do the same?

6) Am I ready to date?

You probably already know the answer to this.  Based on your circumstances, maturity, season of life, spiritual condition, and other priorities, are you even ready to date?  Many students feel pressure to date or date out of a fear of missing an opportunity.  Don’t buy the lies.  What is the wise thing to do?

7) If this relationship does not lead to marriage, how do we want it to end?

I can guarantee you that VERY FEW students ask this question before they get in a relationship, but most wish they had after the relationship ends.  The reality is the overwhelming majority of high school relationships do not lead to marriage (over 98% is what I’ve read a number of places).  I know it sounds depressing to consider how a relationship would end before it even gets started, but such careful consideration could completely change how you view dating.

How many people do you know who were good friends before they started dating, and then their friendship was completely ruined by how the relationship was handled?  Yeah, me too.

Have a plan to avoid this as much as possible.  Answer the tough questions.

 

Here are 4 Practical Tips for Dating:

1. Build a great friendship before a serious relationship.
2. Seek wise counsel.
3. Set up clear boundaries and don’t ever cross those lines; you can never go back once you have.  (And things can quickly go downhill from there.)
4. Keep Christ at the center of everything you do.

 

And Always Remember This:

Psalm 37:3-4, “Trust in the Lord and do good…Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.”

God wants the best for you…don’t be afraid to wait for it!!

God wants the best for you…don’t be afraid to wait for it!!

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As you do, you can change your status from “looking” to “trusting.”

 

Please consider sharing this blog with someone who might need some encouragement in this area.
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From Lonely to Fulfilled…

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Wk 1 from High School series “Status” at Sugar Hill Church.  For more information on how your Middle or High School student can be a part of teaching series like these with hundreds of other students, check out www.SugarHillStudents.com.

Want to change your status from LONELY to FULFILLED?  Know that you are not alone and there is good news!  While people often turn to destructive behavior (relationally & sexually) in the name of “love,” there is a love that can truly satisfy…you just have to look in the right place.

The problem

Having worked with students for over 20 years, I have seen a TON of heartache, regret, and shame as a result of destructive behavior (relationally & sexually) in the name of “love.”  [DISCLAIMER: Students, this is true of us adults too!]  Sometimes the very thing that we think will fulfill or satisfy, is that thing that leaves us feeling alone.  If we look to people (or romance) to fulfill us, we will always have a problem when the flowers die.

The root of the problem

At the root of so many poor decisions is the the feeling of being “lonely.” The perception of loneliness has nothing to do with one’s social status or how many “friends” or followers one has. In fact, some of the loneliest people may be those surrounded by the largest crowds. Out of a feeling or perception of alone-ness, students (and adults, too) go to great lengths in search of fulfillment. Unfortunately, looking for fulfillment in a person or relationship can often compound the problem. Let’s take a look at the root of loneliness and explore how true fulfillment is found.

Reasons teens feel lonely

Here are just a few of the reasons I hear students say they feel alone.

Family problems (maybe the most painful)
“I don’t have any real friends.”
“I don’t feel accepted.”
“I’m not understood.”
“I’m not satisfied with my life.”
“I don’t like myself, so I think others don’t like me.”
“I can’t live up to the expectations of others.”
“Because of what I’ve done, no one can love me.”
“I have been told I’m… (worthless, ugly, ordinary, trash, etc.)”

The reality of feeling “lonely”

The root of our craving to not be alone is a God-given desire. In fact, loneliness is the first thing in Scripture that God said was not good (Genesis 2:18). God created us to live in community, both with him and with others. Like every God-given longing, he has a purpose and a plan in which to fully satisfy that desire. As with all things that God designed, we can choose to look to the creator of these longings to satisfy them, or we can choose to chase cheap imitations that can never satisfy and will ultimately leave us unfulfilled and feeling even more lonely.

The solution

Throughout Scripture, we see Jesus loving the lonely and confronting those things that they seek that leaves them empty. (Some great examples of this: John 4 – Woman at the well; John 5:1-9 – Jesus heals a lame man.)

So what is the solution for loneliness? How can one experience true fulfillment? There are four important aspects:

From lonely to fulfilled. Tripp Atkinson

From lonely to fulfilled.

1) Experience a love relationship with Christ. (Status: Loved)

God created mankind to be completely fulfilled in relationship with him. In the Garden of Eden, man and woman experienced harmony & fulfillment with God as well as harmony & fulfillment in relationship with each other through him. Sin changed everything.

Immediately, the loneliness of sin became clear. After mankind disobeyed God, we see that God went “searching” for man. Genesis 3:9, “Then the Lord God called to the man, Where are you?’” Although God obviously knew where he was, we see that man was hiding from God.  Sin broke fellowship in the Garden, and sin still breaks fellowship today.  The loneliness of sin is real.

The only cure for the loneliness of sin is the love of a Savior. “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:8) Through faith in the work of Christ on the cross, we can receive forgiveness of sin, experience abundant (& eternal life), and be fulfilled through a love relationship with him.  (To learn more about how to have a love relationship with Christ, click here.)

As you experience the ultimate love of Christ (1 John 4:8), you can change your status from lonely to loved.

2) Realize your identity in Christ. (Status: Valued)

As you experience a love relationship with Christ, you can begin to more fully understand your identity in him. You can know the basis for who you really are as described in Scripture. You can know:

 

Psalm 139:1 I am personally known by God.
Psalm 139:13-14 I am fearfully, wonderfully, and personally made by God.
Psalm 139:16  I am the object of God’s planning and will.
Zephaniah 3:17 I am the delight of God.
Romans 5:1 I am made right with God and at peace with him.
Romans 5:8 I am so incredibly loved.
Even while I was a sinner, Christ died in my place.
Romans 6:6 I am set free from the power of sin.
Romans 8:1 I am forgiven, and not condemned!
Romans 8:15   I am personally loved and adopted as God’s dear child.
Romans 8:38-39 I am absolutely secure in God’s love through Christ.
Nothing can separate me from his never-ending love.
Romans 12:4-5 I am an invaluable part of the Body of Christ.
1 Corinthians 12:18 I am uniquely made and gifted with purpose.
2 Corinthians 5:20 I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
Ephesians 1:3 I am an heir of God according to his will.
Ephesians 1:11 I am God’s masterpiece!
Ephesians 2:10 I am equipped to make a difference in his kingdom.
Titus 3:7 I am eternally alive in him.

Who you are does not depend on what you do. Identity does not depend on titles, or positions, or social status. It depends on the wonderful fact that you are a child of God. You are God’s masterpiece, and you are valued and treasured simply for who you are.

As you realize your identity in Christ, you can change your status from lonely to valued.

3) Embrace your unique design. (Status: Content)

Understanding real love in Christ and your immeasurable value in him, you can begin to embrace and love your unique design.

The Apostle Paul reminds us of the importance of our unique design in Romans 12:4-6. He tells us, “Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well.”

You are no accident and God has made you one-of-a-kind for a reason. All of your personality, passions, talents, and giftedness is what makes you YOU. And that is exactly what makes you an invaluable part of the body of Christ.

Embrace this! See the beauty of your unique design. Don’t waste your time wishing to be what someone else is. This only robs the body of Christ from the gift of YOU. Embrace and love your unique design.

Don’t waste your time wishing to be what someone else is. This only robs the body of Christ from the gift of YOU. #embrace

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As you do, you can change your status from lonely to content.

4) Pursue Authentic Community. (Status: Known)

We were created to live in community. Throughout Scripture, we see that community is a big deal. The Bible makes it clear that “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

Community is modeled for us in the Bible. Acts 2:42-47 is a beautiful description of what community looks like in the early church,

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.  A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity— all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

The Bible is clear as to the benefits of community and how we should live in community with one another.

Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”

Romans 15:7, “Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.”

Live in the reality of all God wants you to experience in authentic community. As you pursue authentic community, you can change your status from lonely to known.

Status: Fulfilled!

Biblical community is the context for spiritual formation, through which God makes us more like Christ. As we grow more in our love relationship with Christ, we more fully realize our value and can more fully embrace our unique design. In doing this, we can more rightly use our giftedness in the context of biblical community, and we discover each of these elements working together to lead us to a place that is the complete opposite of unfulfilled loneliness…that is complete fulfillment!

Don’t miss this… Through a love relationship with Jesus Christ, you can experience true love, realize & embrace your unique identity in him, and live in authentic community with others. All of these truly lead to a status of “fulfillment” in your life.

In Christ alone can you change your status from LONELY to FULFILLED!

In Christ alone can you change your status from lonely to fulfilled. #status

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Take it home…

If you were completely honest with yourself:

– Do you experience feelings of loneliness?
– What destructive behavior in your life is a result of coping with aloneness?
– What truth most resonates with you from the points above?
– Identify one thing you need to do this week to experience true fulfillment, and do it!

 

Please consider sharing this blog with someone who might need some encouragement in this area.
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Check Your Pockets

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Students, thanks for hanging with us through these First 30 devotionals for college students. I promise the spiritual investment you make in yourself will pay dividends for years to come. As we wrap up this First 30 series, I pray that the spiritual investment will continue. I pray that college will not be a time to simply survive, but to thrive.

As you face the rest of your first year in college (or work, military, etc.), I hope you never forget three things. These three things are so important, I had them engraved on a challenge coin for each of my graduating students. If you are not familiar with a challenge coin, here is the significance…

Challenge coins are a longstanding tradition in the military that builds camaraderie and signifies a person is a member of a special group. Challenge coins serve as a symbol of identity, a source of pride, and a reminder of the support that one has behind them. We have a special challenge coin minted for our graduating class in hopes they serve as a constant reminder of their identity and values.

Let the features of this coin remind you of:

– Your Identity (Cross):

On the front of the coin is a cross (specifically the one we use in our Sugar Hill Church logo). Let this always remind you to find your identity in Christ & what He has done for you.

I passed on to you what was most important and what had also been passed on to me. Christ died for our sins, just as the Scriptures said. He was buried, and he was raised from the dead on the third day, just as the Scriptures said. – 1 Cor. 15:3-4

Jesus really is the BIGGEST DEAL!  What he did on the cross and in raising from the grave three days later are the most significant events in all of history. Because of the cross, our sins can be forgiven (Romans 3:23-25), we can be reconciled to God (Romans 4:25), we can experience abundant life (John 10:10), and our eternal home can be heaven (John 14:1-4).

Belief in the events surrounding the cross of Christ is what separates Christianity from every other world religion and faith system. It is not only the cornerstone of our faith, but also of our identity.

Let your identity always be rooted in:

– Your Support (“Welcome Home”):

Next to the cross on the front of the coins there is “Sugar Hill Church – Welcome Home.” We want you to know that no matter how far you may go, you are always “welcome home.” This is always your home & we always have your back. God never intended us to live life alone.

We were created to live in community. Throughout Scripture, we see that community is a big deal. (Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 27:17, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Romans 12:4-5,10, Romans 15:7, 1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Community in context of the church is modeled for us in the Bible. Acts 2 describes the early church,

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer. 43 A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. 44 And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. 45 They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. 46 They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity— 47 all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved. – Acts 2:42-47

If you are away for college, we hope and pray you make it a priority to actively be a part of (& serve) a local church that makes the Bible a big deal, Jesus the biggest deal, and serving the way you show the love of Christ to your community. If you are close by, we hope and pray that you actively serve and grow in your faith at Sugar Hill Church.

Whether home or away, know that you will always have a home at Sugar Hill Church.  You will always have pastors, mentors, and leaders who love you and want the best for you.  We want to be friends and family for life!

– Your Foundation (Grounded for Life – Jeremiah 17:8):

On the back of the coin is a large green tree with the words “Grounded for Life” and the Scripture reference Jeremiah 17:8. This verse speaks about those who put their trust in the Lord –

They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. – Jer. 17:8

The tree is a picture of the life we want you to live. There will certainly be tough times ahead in life, Jesus even assured his disciples of this (John 16:33). But as you continue to trust in the Lord, you can have a foundation (“roots”) that offer stability in hardship and peace in uncertain times. In fact, even in the toughest days, you can thrive and “never stop producing fruit.”

As you continue to trust in the Lord, & intentionally live according to His Word, you truly can be Grounded for Life; that is, grounded to experience abundant life, and grounded for the duration of your life. You really don’t have to be a statistic of someone who fell away from their faith in college. You can fully enjoy the college experience without the regret, stress and disharmony of an inconsistent or lost faith. God wants the very best for you! This is discovered and lived in consistent relationship with Christ.

Check your pockets…

I encourage you to put your coin where you can see it everyday. Some days, you may need to physically carry it with you, and check your pockets often. (We all have days like that.) Whether you physically carry your coins or not, I pray that they will serve as constant reminders of your faith, family, & friends. Always know that God has got you & we are with you!!!

This devotional is one in Sugar Hill Church’s First 30 devotional series for college students.
To access the podcast of this devotional and the entire series, click here.
To subscribe to this blog, simply scroll up & add your email address in the box on the right.

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Influences

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I read a headline a while back that said “18 year old girl can face manslaughter charge for allegedly encouraging boyfriend’s suicide, judge rules.”

Newsflash: If someone is encouraging you to hurt yourself, IT IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!!

While I know it is an extreme example, this story illustrates a truth that so many of us experience in our own lives on different levels.  I’m talking about allowing voices to influence us that are not speaking truth in love or pointing us to God’s best for our lives.  All of us have influences in our lives that give us messages based on lies.  While these lies may not lead to our physical death, they may be calling us down paths that lead to pain, regret, and a cheap imitation of God’s best.

A principle we want all students to know is this:  Your life will be significantly shaped by your relationships.  That’s why I say, “Handle them with care!”

Scripture tells us,

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

We all give and receive influence daily. Although we don’t have control over every source of influence in our lives (billboards, etc), we do have control over some of the most significant sources of influence… relationships. (When I say relationships, I mean ALL relationships, friendships, etc.)

Author Max Lucado says this, “Life comes with voices. Voices lead to choices. Choices have consequences.”

How can we evaluate the voices in our lives, and the influence of relationships?

I think there are 3 Key Questions we should ask to evaluate a relationship:

1) Conditional or unconditional?

Is the love experienced in your relationship conditional or unconditional?  Ask, “Is this person helping me or using me?”

1 Corinthians 13 describes what love looks like and what love does,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not
dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

So many relationships are based on “I love you if…”  If someone tells you that, it is not unconditional love.  According to 1 Corinthians 13, this self-seeking attitude is not love at all.

2) Truth or lie?

Is the relationship based on truth or a lie?  How open and honest are you with each other?  Do you pretend to be someone you are not just to get the approval of this person?

Authentic, healthy relationships give truth as well as receive truth…even when it hurts.

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. – Proverbs 27:6

Think about that.  It is better to have a loving friend hurt your feelings with the truth, than have someone “kiss up” with what you want to hear.  If you have a friend that loves you enough to be honest with you even when it hurts, you need to cherish and invest in that friendship!

So many relationships are based on lies, and the absence of absolute truth.  Don’t be fooled.

3) Best or Imitation?

Does this relationship point me towards God’s best for my life, or a cheap imitation of God’s best?

  • Is this person experiencing God’s best for their own life?

And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ. – 1 Corinthians 11:1

If someone is not living God’s best for their own life, why let them influence yours?

  • Does this person truly want God’s best for me?

So many relationships point us towards a cheap imitation of God’s best for our lives.  Such imitations can never satisfy.  Don’t settle for less, when God wants to give you more.

Remember, your life is significantly shaped by your relationships. Understand them and handle with care!

The 140:
Your life is significantly shaped by your relationships. Understand them and handle with care!

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This devotional is one in Sugar Hill Church’s First 30 devotional series for college students.
To access the podcasts of this devotional and the entire series, click here.
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Boundaries

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The first time anyone ever trusted me to babysit was my sister asking me to watch her first born son, Trey. I was a senior in high school, and spending time with my three-year-old nephew who was like a younger brother to me sounded like fun. I mean, how hard could babysitting really be?

(If you have ever babysat, you know what an awesome responsibility that is. You probably also know that if you are not careful and don’t foresee dangerous situations, things can go terribly wrong. I now know that.)

Outside the lines

I decided that Trey and I would play soccer in the front yard. He just started playing soccer on a team and was trying to learn basic skills and things like how to stay in the boundary lines. “Uncle Tripp” was going to show him a few pointers. Well, Uncle Tripp was no better at soccer than three-year-old Trey, so we found ourselves kicking the ball in the road more times than not. Living at the top of a small hill, the ball would hit the road and quickly head towards a storm drain at the bottom of the hill. Every time we kicked the ball into the road, I would tell Trey to stay put while I raced the ball to the bottom of the hill.

This day was hot and we had both worked up a pretty good sweat kicking (and chasing) this soccer ball. I thought I’d be a good uncle and run into the house to get us something to drink. I gave Trey some boundaries and told not to cross the boundary.

It’s OK to leave a kid in the yard by himself briefly, right? What could possibly happen in just a few brief moments? I gave him boundaries!

I ran up the steps, ran inside the house, and got us something to drink. As I headed back out, I walked by a big picture window in the living room that faced the front yard. Passing this window, I saw that Trey had kicked the ball and it went into the street and started rolling down the hill.

Trey had obviously seen me run across the road and he had seen me chase the ball to the storm drain. To my horror, I saw him take off running into the street to get the ball.

Because of my vantage point in this window looking down, I could not only see Trey running into the road, but I could also see around the curve, and that there was a car coming up the street.

Screaming through the window

In that moment, I freeze. In that moment, I’m looking out at a life that I love even more than my own life. I’m looking out at someone that I would literally give anything for, that I would die for. I see him running into the street and I know that from his vantage point, he couldn’t see down the road. He couldn’t see around the curve. From his vantage point, he couldn’t see the danger that was coming. In that moment, I’m frozen and my worst fears rush to mind.

“He doesn’t even see what’s about to happen.”
“He doesn’t even see that this car’s coming.”
“What if this car doesn’t see him?”
“What if they don’t slow down?”
“How is this going to play out!?”

In that moment, I wasn’t thinking of how upset I was at Trey for crossing the boundary. I was not worried about him getting in trouble for disobeying. All I’m thinking is, “I want the best for him. I would rather it be me in the middle of the road in front of this oncoming car than him. I would do anything if I could just trade places right now with where he is and take whatever it is that’s about to happen.” I began to helplessly scream through the window.

Fortunately, that car saw him and stopped, and he was able to get the ball and everything was okay. But I will never forget that moment when my heart almost stopped. I will never forget looking out that big window and seeing what was about to happen.

Love in boundaries

I think this is a picture of how God reacts to his children.

I think sometimes God looks at us and he says, “Hey, I want the very best for you. Know that I love you and would give anything for you. In fact, I did give everything for you when I came and died for you and I took what you deserved on myself so that you could live.” As we live life, I imagine there are so many times that God sees what is ahead and screams at us like I was screaming through that window to my nephew, “Stop! Don’t do it! Slow down! Think! Look!” I think this is the heart of God as we begin to violate the boundaries he has established for living life well.

I established boundaries for my nephew because I love him. As a parent, I establish boundaries for my kids because I love them. I know what is on the other side of those boundaries because I have a perspective on life that my kids don’t have. The boundaries don’t exist to spoil their fun.  The boundaries exist to give them life!

From his vantage point, God can see things we can’t see.

That’s why, in his Word, God gives us instructions on things like sexuality. It’s not because he’s trying to spoil our party or fun. He’s saying, “I see down the road, what this can lead to. I see the consequences of taking something great, and going outside the lines with it. I want the best for you, so stop and look around.” When it comes to relationships, when it comes to how we take care of ourselves, when it comes to how we live our lives, God wants the very, very best for us.

You have an all-loving God that is saying, “My child, I love you. Trust me, put your eyes on me and let me give you my very best for your life.”

Consider the words of the Psalmist in Psalm 84:11,

For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.

Do we trust God to do this as we honor him??

Avoiding chaos

If we didn’t have boundaries in basketball, football, or baseball, how would that work out? It would ruin the game.  The boundaries don’t exist to spoil the fun of the game…the boundaries exist so that the game can be played the way it was made to be played. No boundaries lead to chaos. The same is true in life.

King Solomon, the wisest person to ever live said,

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” – Proverbs 22:3

God is not big on rules; God is big on life. Any boundary he gives is for our good. Remember the words of John 10:10,

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

Today, evaluate the following:

  • In what ways are you living outside of God’s boundaries?
  • Do you trust that God is for you and not against you?
  • Do you believe that the author of life is the authority on life?

Remember, any boundary God gives is for YOUR GOOD & HIS GLORY because He loves you & wants HIS VERY BEST for you. No one is more for you than God!

The 140:

Any boundary God gives is for YOUR GOOD & HIS GLORY because He loves you & wants HIS VERY BEST for you. No one is more for you than God!

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Today, enjoy the abundant life that is possible through active obedience to the One who loves you enough to give you boundaries.

 

*For more of Trey’s story, check out this highly emotional clip.

 

This devotional is one in Sugar Hill Church’s First 30 devotional series for college students.
To access the podcasts of this devotional and the entire series, click here.
To subscribe to this blog, simply scroll up & add your email address in the box on the right.

God’s Best

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Here is some good news:
– God loves you and wants the very best for you.
– God wants you discover and live His best.

So how exactly do we go about discovering and living God’s best?

We see some great truths of how to do this in Luke 5:1-11. This story is referred to as “The Great Catch” and is about a fishing trip that changed the course of Peter’s life. In this story there are 3 Defining moments through which Peter discovers and begins to live God’s best.

This story is set on a large lake, referred to as the “Sea of Galilee.”

One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the word of God. 2 He noticed two empty boats at the water’s edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets. 3 Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon, its owner, to push it out into the water. So he sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there. 4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.” – Luke 5:1-4

When Jesus told Peter to “Launch out into the deep and let down your nets,” this made absolutely no sense. We are told that on Sea of Galilee, fishermen would fish at night, in shallow water.

Peter’s responds by informing Jesus ,

Master, we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing.” (vs. 5)

It’s important to note that when Peter referred to Jesus as “Master,” he was using a Greek word (epistates) that was a respectful title to one who is in authority, but not an acknowledgment of diety.

Peter reminds Jesus that he had “worked HARD all night” and hadn’t caught a thing. I imagine he was a little annoyed that a preacher (Jesus) was telling a professional fisherman (Peter) how to fish. But out of respect for Jesus, Peter reluctantly obeys. Peter says,

But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again. (vs. 5)

As he does this, we see the first defining moment for Peter:

1) He responds in obedience to Jesus.

Look at the result of Peter’s obedience…

And this time their nets were so full of fish they began to tear! 7 A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking. (vss. 6-7)

Against the backdrop of Peter’s failure, God shows him what can happen as he does it God’s way… two boats filled so full with fish that they begin to sink!

Students, always remember, WHEN GOD DIRECTS OUR WORK, WE SEE RESULTS. God’s words can always be trusted.

We put faith in doctors because of the qualifications associated with their title (“M.D.”) We put faith in pharmacists because of the letters behind their name (Pharm D). Think about this… if you trust a doctor to diagnose a health problem and prescribe you medicine, and you trust that pharmacists to give medicine that will help you and not kill you because of the title associated with their name, how much more can you trust the one who has the title “King of Kings” and “Lord of Lords?” Don’t you think if there is anyone qualified to speak truth into your life, it’s the Creator of life!

If there is anyone qualified to speak truth into your life, it’s the Creator of life!

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That’s why we say “The Bible is a big deal.” It is the Word of God.

Let’s look at what happens next in verses 8-10,

When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, “Oh, Lord, please leave me—I’m such a sinful man.” 9 For he was awestruck by the number of fish they had caught, as were the others with him. 10 His partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, were also amazed. Jesus replied to Simon, “Don’t be afraid! From now on you’ll be fishing for people!”

The second defining moment for Peter is when:

2) He acknowledges Jesus for who He is.

In verse 8, notice what Peter called Jesus. Previously he had called Him master, clearly a term of respect, but now he calls Jesus LORD. The Greek word translated Lord means “he to whom a person or thing belongs, about which he has power of deciding”. (It comes from the word kuros, which means ‘Supremacy’.)

Peter now sees Jesus for who He is. He realizes that the one who did a miracle in the lake, wants to do a miracle in his heart.

Peter changed his response to Jesus from one of respect to one of Lordship and notice what he does:

  • Falls At His feet.
  • He took his eyes off of the blessing to look at the blessor.

In the terror of realizing his sinfulness, Peter wants to get away from the holiness of the Lord, but Jesus wants to draw Peter closer. Jesus says to him, “Don’t be afraid…” (vs. 10) We see here the beauty of repentance; it is the place we exchange our sin for God’s grace. We sometimes view repentance as an ugly thing, when in fact, it is such a beautiful thing. Repentance is responding to an invitation to experience God’s best.

Repentance is responding to an invitation to experience God\’s best.

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Jesus continues,

…from now on you will fish for people.

Jesus not only receives Peter in repentance (draws him close), He tells Peter that he wants to use him as His instrument. Peter’s life is changed when he gets Jesus right. He learns the most important life lesson: It is all about Jesus. This leads to the third defining moment in verse 11,

 And as soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus.

3) He drops his net and allows Jesus to direct his life.

This response led Peter to “forsake all” to follow Christ, shifting the view of his future, career, and dreams. He left everything and followed Jesus. He realized that Jesus doesn’t want a place in our hearts or lives, He wants all of it. God doesn’t want us to fit Him into our plans; he wants us to submit our lives to His.

You may have dreams and desires, but God may have something bigger in mind. Jesus took Peter from having an occupation (“to take up space”) to a vocation (“calling”).

Most likely, God doesn’t want to change your dreams, but He may want to give you a different view of it. You see, your calling is to reflect the purposes of God through whatever vehicle He has given you. Because He is God, you can trust Him, and in trusting Him (allowing him to direct your path) you can experience His best for your life.

Before this life-defining fishing trip, Peter would have said that he was a “follower” of Jesus. But it wasn’t until he forsook all (“all in”) that he became a true follower of Christ and became on mission with Christ. When he walked off that beach that day, there was no doubt where he stood in his faith.

Today can be a defining moment in your life as you acknowledge Jesus for who He is and respond in obedience to Him today. You don’t have to “follow” Jesus from afar. You can intimately know Him and receive His best for your life as you allow Him to direct your life.

As we acknowledge Jesus for who He is & respond in obedience to Him, we discover God’s best for our lives. Live his best today!

THE 140:
As we acknowledge Jesus for who He is & respond in obedience to Him, we discover God’s best for our lives.

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This devotional is one in Sugar Hill Church’s First 30 devotional series for college students.
To access the podcasts of this devotional and the entire series, click here.
To subscribe to this blog, simply scroll up & add your email address in the box on the right.

Accountability: A Key to Success

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There are many abilities that become a big deal in college. For instance…

– Affordability: the reason you eat fish taco’s from a gas station.
– Flexibility: learning the art of turning a 15-minute break into a “power nap.”
– Wearability: judgement call on getting one more use out of an outfit before you HAVE to do laundry. (usually involves turning something inside out)

All joking aside, there a number of things you learn to do in college, that will set you up for success the rest of your life. Of all the many “abilities” that are useful in college, perhaps the most legit beneficial ability to incorporate into the college experience is ACCOUNTABILITY. Accountability is defined as “responsibility, liability, answerability.” It is the encouragement, support, correction and discipline provided by an intentional and meaningful relationship.

Accountability does not just happen. It is a choice, and only occurs as one willfully and vulnerably submits to another, trusting that it is for their good and God’s glory.

There are several aspect of accountability that can greatly benefit your life. I strongly encourage you to seek it out in the following three relationships:

1) Pursue a Paul (someone older to serve as a mentor)

There is a long list in Scripture of those impacted by the mentoring of the Apostle Paul. (Titus, Onesimus, Luke, and Timothy, to name a few.) This impact did not take place in a formal classroom setting, but in the context of life and ministry. Paul’s mentoring was both theoretical AND highly practical.

Who in your life is a Paul-type mentor you are pursuing? Who in your life is older and wiser that you are allowing to influence you? Mentoring is typically not best accomplished through a formal program, but as one desiring such training and mentoring pursues it.

Asking “Will you mentor me?” is probably not the best approach to a mentoring relationship. Let it happen more organically and relationally. It typically best happens as one observes, questions, learns, and imitates another. I know very few great leaders who will not invest their lives in someone they see trying to emulate their life and leadership.

How do you pursue a Paul? Look around and ask these questions:

  • Who is someone older and wiser than me that I respect?
  • Is there someone who has the character and reputation I desire?
  • Who is making the impact that I desire to make?

Pray that God will open doors for you to have relationship and favor with this person. Ask for wisdom in pursuing opportunities for proximity and influence. Then begin to watch, listen, learn, and imitate what you see in them.

2) Seek a Silas (a friend that offers true accountability)

There is absolutely nothing like a genuine friend who wants the best for you and loves you enough to be honest with you. True friends are hard on you when necessary, and stick with you no matter the circumstances. In Scripture, we see such a friendship between Silas and Paul. Silas traveled extensively with Paul, ministering and spreading the Gospel. In Acts 16:19-40, we see that he was arrested with Paul, beaten severely with Paul, and confined to the dungeon of a jail with Paul with their legs in stocks together. Silas had Paul’s back no matter what.

Notice the nature of their friendship in Acts 16:25-31,

Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening. Suddenly, there was a massive earthquake, and the prison was shaken to its foundations. All the doors immediately flew open, and the chains of every prisoner fell off! The jailer woke up to see the prison doors wide open. He assumed the prisoners had escaped, so he drew his sword to kill himself. But Paul shouted to him, “Stop! Don’t kill yourself! We are all here!” The jailer called for lights and ran to the dungeon and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. Then he brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved, along with everyone in your household.” And they shared the word of the Lord with him and with all who lived in his household.

Even in jail, they sang hymns of worship together and encouraged one another as they ministered to those around them. Do you have a friend like that? Who in your life wants God’s best for you and is committed to helping you discover and live it?

In seeking a Silas, ask the following questions:

  • Who is someone I can relate to & rely on?
  • What friend loves me enough to call me out?
  • Who wants God’s best for me no matter what?

As you identify such a friend, make time with them a priority. You may only have a friend or two like this in your lifetime. If you have one, do all you can to value that person and invest in that friendship. If you don’t have that yet, pray that God opens the door for a friendship like that.

Remember, the best way to have a friend like that, is to be a friend like that.

3) Train a Timothy (someone younger to pour into)

As much as you can benefit from a mentoring relationship with someone older and wiser than you, there is equally as much value in you being that mentor to someone younger and less-experienced than you. Who are you intentionally investing your life into as a mentor and coach?

Paul served as a “spiritual father” to Timothy. He spent time with him, taught him, equipped him, encouraged him, and help him be successful in his faith and ministry.

But you, Timothy, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance. 11 You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured…But you must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true, for you know you can trust those who taught you. – 2 Timothy 3:10-11, 14

Such encouragement as this only flows from an intentional investment of Paul’s life into Timothy.

But know that such a mentoring relationship does not just benefit the one being mentored. Mentoring another can benefit you in a number of ways:

  • As you teach a principle, it highlights that truth in your own heart.
  • Teaching another challenges you & creates accountability.  (1 Corinthians 9:27, “I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.”)
  • Investing in others brings joy. (3 John 4, “I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.”)

As Paul mentored Timothy, he encouraged him to take all that he learned and pass that on to others as well.

You have heard me teach things that have been confirmed by many reliable witnesses. Now teach these truths to other trustworthy people who will be able to pass them on to others. – 2 Timothy 2:2

Mentoring in such a way exponentially multiplies your influence and impact.

 

Accountability is not always easy, but it is vital to success. When you know who you want to be and where you want to go, there is nothing like investing in relationships that can help you get there.

Today, invest in those relationships that are for your good and God’s glory.  I’m confident that is an investment that will offer a return for a lifetime!

Investment in relationships that are for your good & God’s glory are investments that will offer a return for a lifetime!

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This devotional is one in Sugar Hill Church’s First 30 devotional series for college students.
To access the podcasts of this devotional and the entire series, click here.