Tripp Atkinson

Pastor, Speaker, Consultant

Influence

Influences

by

I read a headline a while back that said “18 year old girl can face manslaughter charge for allegedly encouraging boyfriend’s suicide, judge rules.”

Newsflash: If someone is encouraging you to hurt yourself, IT IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!!

While I know it is an extreme example, this story illustrates a truth that so many of us experience in our own lives on different levels.  I’m talking about allowing voices to influence us that are not speaking truth in love or pointing us to God’s best for our lives.  All of us have influences in our lives that give us messages based on lies.  While these lies may not lead to our physical death, they may be calling us down paths that lead to pain, regret, and a cheap imitation of God’s best.

A principle we want all students to know is this:  Your life will be significantly shaped by your relationships.  That’s why I say, “Handle them with care!”

Scripture tells us,

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

We all give and receive influence daily. Although we don’t have control over every source of influence in our lives (billboards, etc), we do have control over some of the most significant sources of influence… relationships. (When I say relationships, I mean ALL relationships, friendships, etc.)

Author Max Lucado says this, “Life comes with voices. Voices lead to choices. Choices have consequences.”

How can we evaluate the voices in our lives, and the influence of relationships?

I think there are 3 Key Questions we should ask to evaluate a relationship:

1) Conditional or unconditional?

Is the love experienced in your relationship conditional or unconditional?  Ask, “Is this person helping me or using me?”

1 Corinthians 13 describes what love looks like and what love does,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not
dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

So many relationships are based on “I love you if…”  If someone tells you that, it is not unconditional love.  According to 1 Corinthians 13, this self-seeking attitude is not love at all.

2) Truth or lie?

Is the relationship based on truth or a lie?  How open and honest are you with each other?  Do you pretend to be someone you are not just to get the approval of this person?

Authentic, healthy relationships give truth as well as receive truth…even when it hurts.

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. – Proverbs 27:6

Think about that.  It is better to have a loving friend hurt your feelings with the truth, than have someone “kiss up” with what you want to hear.  If you have a friend that loves you enough to be honest with you even when it hurts, you need to cherish and invest in that friendship!

So many relationships are based on lies, and the absence of absolute truth.  Don’t be fooled.

3) Best or Imitation?

Does this relationship point me towards God’s best for my life, or a cheap imitation of God’s best?

  • Is this person experiencing God’s best for their own life?

And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ. – 1 Corinthians 11:1

If someone is not living God’s best for their own life, why let them influence yours?

  • Does this person truly want God’s best for me?

So many relationships point us towards a cheap imitation of God’s best for our lives.  Such imitations can never satisfy.  Don’t settle for less, when God wants to give you more.

Remember, your life is significantly shaped by your relationships. Understand them and handle with care!

The 140:
Your life is significantly shaped by your relationships. Understand them and handle with care!

Click To Tweet

This devotional is one in Sugar Hill Church’s First 30 devotional series for college students.
To access the podcasts of this devotional and the entire series, click here.
To subscribe to this blog, simply scroll up & add your email address in the box on the right.

 

 

The Gift of YOU! (How to give something that no one else can…)

by

Countless time and money is spent on searching for the most unique and special gifts to communicate value and love to others.  While physical gifts can be quite special and meaningful, don’t overlook the greatest gift you can share with someone.  The greatest gift you can give is actually the most valuable gift; in fact, it is priceless.

It’s THE GIFT OF YOU.

Take a few moments to consider the value of you and some things you can give that are truly unique.  What is it you can share with others that is unlike anyone else?

 

1) Your encouragement…

Your encouragement is something that no one else can give.  It is unique to you, and no one will be able to give it just like you.  When considering the encouragement you can offer others, keep these things in mind:

  – Everyone needs encouragement.

Everyone.  Some may need it more than others today, but everyone needs it.  Even people you think have a perfect life and have it all together, they need encouragement.  In fact, it could be that those whose lives you envy most may need the most encouragement.  It is often those without the obvious or public problems that receive the least encouragement.  Perhaps those around you with the most on the outside are hurting most on the inside.

– Saying something is always better than saying nothing.

Have you ever thought about encouraging someone and just didn’t know what to say…so you said nothing at all?  It is often said, “It’s the thought that counts.”  Well, that’s just not true.  Just thinking about encouraging someone is really no encouragement at all.  In fact, if you were to tell someone “I thought about encouraging you a while back, but didn’t” that probably communicates the opposite of your desired sentiment.  What you are really saying is “I thought that you may need encouraging, but I didn’t value you enough to do it.”  If you think about encouraging someone and don’t know what to say, just say something.

– Do it now!

If you think about it now, do it now!  If someone comes to your mind to encourage, there is most likely a reason for it and timing is everything.  As you see an obvious need or situation, now is the time to encourage.  If someone’s name “randomly” comes to mind to encourage, it could be that the Spirit of God is leading you in that moment to be a blessing to them.  Perhaps they are praying in that moment for encouragement from God and God has chosen you to be His voice to them.  If you think about it now, do it now…later will probably never come.

 

2)  Your time.

How do you spell “love?”  T.I.M.E.  Nothing communicates value more than giving your time to someone.  Your time is valuable… extremely valuable.  Your time on earth is finite and is a non-renewable resource.  Although you don’t know how much time you have, you know that time is running out every day.  While most people don’t live in the reality of this truth, most understand that when someone willingly gives you their time, it is a precious thing.  When considering how to communicate value by giving your time, consider the following:

– Pause to see needs.

Most of us would give our time to help loved ones in need if they were to ask.  But how much more precious is it when someone offers their time.  Sometimes we get too busy to see even obvious needs around us.  Pause a few minutes and look around.  Who around you is hurting?  What needs do you see?  Who around you could use help?  Take the time to identify needs and how YOU can meet those needs.  Maybe the need is simply someone to talk to.  Maybe it is help with a project.  Pray that God will help you see others’ needs and look around.  Walk slowly through the crowd and look beyond the obvious.  Consider the words of Jesus in Matthew 25:35-40.  Pause to see needs.

–  Schedule it.

Intentionality is key when it comes to investing your time in others.  Life is so busy and if you wait on the perfect moment, it will never come.  If you want to give the gift of your time to someone, put it on the calendar.  If you are having a hard time figuring out who to invest your time in, schedule time to think and pray about it.  Scheduling makes giving your time to others and serving a priority.

– Involve others.

Sometimes your individual and sole attention is the most valuable thing you can give someone.  Often times, as you invest your time you can include others as you do.  Including others as you encourage or meet needs can be an encouragement to them as well.  By involving others in ministry and service you are not only meeting the need of one person, but also challenging another to make a difference.  By doing so, you have multiplied the gift of your time and been a blessing to more.

 

3)  Your faith.

Of course you can’t really give your faith to someone else; but you can share it.  At the core, everyone’s greatest needs are to be loved and to belong.  Both of these needs are ultimately and completely found in God, and with His people (the church).  There is no greater encouragement than to spiritually encourage someone.  There is no greater investment than helping someone discover and live God’s best for their lives.  As you consider how you can share your faith with others, think of the following:

– Recognize those hurting.

You probably know those around you who are hurting spiritually right now.  Have you considered that God brought you into their life so that you can be their spiritual encouragement?   Maybe you have never talked about spiritual things with them.  Perhaps the idea of that is a little awkward.  Consider what is at stake.  If you don’t love someone enough to talk to them about the most important thing in the world, what kind of friend are you?

– Tell your story.

You have a story and your story matters!  In fact, your story is part of the greatest story ever told!  Two of the most powerful and encouraging things you can share is how you came to know God (salvation testimony) and how God has worked in your life (growth story).  God can use both of these in a powerful way to encourage others and point them to how God can work in their lives.  Telling your story communicates to others that they are not alone.  Your story could be the most significant way to communicate the life-giving Good News of Jesus.  Tell it.

– Realize the power of Scripture.

Have you ever been at a loss for how to encourage someone spiritually?  Don’t forget about the power of Scripture.  Simply sharing a Bible verse with someone can be the most powerful encouragement you can give.  Sharing Scripture is sharing something that can speak to needs you may not even understand.  Don’t forget this truth of God’s Word, “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” (Hebrews 4:12)

– Pray with someone.

When we pray for someone, we are lifting them before the One who knows their deepest needs and can best meet those needs.  But sometimes we can go an extra step with our prayers.  My mom reminds me of the power of not only praying  for someone, but praying with someone.  When we tell someone we are praying for them, that can be encouraging for sure.  But when we take the time right then to pray with them, that could be a moment they never forget.  That is also a great way for them to hear your faith as you lift them before God.

– Don’t underestimate what God can do through you.

Don’t forget that if God can do the impossible (and He can), then God can do the impossible IN you and God can do the impossible THROUGH you.  The most life-changing prayer you can pray today could be “God, what do you want me to do?”  Such a prayer can be life-changing for both you and those around you.  Would you be willing to be used by God today?  You do what you can do and allow God to do what only He can do in you and through you.

 

In a season of looking for the perfect gift to give others, don’t neglect the most valuable (actually invaluable) gift you can give…the gift of yourself.  Pray about how you can invest your unique encouragement, giftedness and time in others.  Ask God how you can best share your faith and enjoy giving to others what God has richly given to you!

Give well,

Tripp

A Leadership Checkup (A health evaluation of effective leaders)

by

Regular checkups are a good idea.  Whether with your doctor, dentist, or mechanic, checkups ensure that the condition of something is made clear, and allows for even small changes that can greatly improve health and performance.  A periodic leadership “checkup” is a great idea for to ensure you are maximizing your influence and leading in a healthy way.  Effective leaders are healthy leaders.  How are you doing in these areas that are critical for leading well today?

In 2 Corinthians 5:11-20, the Apostle Paul discusses some important principles of meaningful and effective influence.

Effective Leaders:

 

1) …earn influence through character & consistency.

While many strive to lead from a place of position or title, the most effective influence is earned through character.  Certainly people regularly follow leaders they have to, but we should strive to be a leader others want to follow.  In a social media age, don’t fall into the trap of focusing on your reputation (what others think you are) over your character (who you really are).  A reputation fueled by character will never need to be filtered or touched up.

In earning influence, consistency in character is key.  Anyone can fake integrity in the moment, but true character is obvious over time.  Consistency proves the authenticity of character.  NFL great JJ Watt said, “Success isn’t owned, it’s leased.  And rent is due everyday.”  Successful and effective influence is earned by consistent display of character that others would want to follow.

2 Corinthians 5:11-13, “Because we understand our fearful responsibility to the Lord, we work hard to persuade others. God knows we are sincere, and I hope you know this, too.  Are we commending ourselves to you again? No, we are giving you a reason to be proud of us, so you can answer those who brag about having a spectacular ministry rather than having a sincere heart. If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.”

 

2)   …are motivated by a vision bigger than themselves.

Vision is vital to effective leadership.  In describing the indispensable value of vision for a leader, leadership expert John Maxwell says, “Vision leads the leader.”  Vision is what fuels the passion of a leader, and is the target to which one aims their life. Vision is what gets effective leaders out of bed without being told each day.  Helen Keller once said of vision, “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”

The most valuable thing you can give the world is yourself.  Make sure that the size of your vision is worthy of your unique and priceless life.  If you can’t articulate your vision and dream for your life, stop and consider what is worthy of giving your life for.

If you don’t have a vision, then you don’t have a target.  In order to BE IT, you have to first SEE IT!  If you can’t see where you are going, where are you leading others?

For the follower of Christ, your vision should reflect the eternal significance of mission and purpose that is in, through, and from Him.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15, “Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.”

 

3)  …see the big picture, & are not easily distracted.

Fueled by vision, effective leaders have the ability to see everything in light of the “big picture” and do not easily lose focus.  Great leaders are fun to watch.  How they act at an event usually mirrors how they live their lives.  Effective leaders typically walk into a room and look around.  They identify and meet needs.  They evaluate everything around them in light of purpose and vision.

“Big picture” leaders clearly identify who and what is best for the vision, and are good at eliminating distractions.  How are you at evaluating “dream makers” and “dream breakers” in your life?  Are you surrounding yourself with friends and mentors who know your vision and push you to achieve it?

Effective leaders are not easily distracted by pettiness and drama. They resist the temptation to become occupied with things that will lead to regret and they typically view time management as a matter of stewardship.

How does your calendar reflect the significance of your vision?

2 Corinthians 5:16-17, “So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view.  At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!  This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

 

4)  …build bridges, not roadblocks.

Effective leaders solve problems.  They unite.  John Maxwell says, “People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision.”  Effective leaders establish genuine relational capital with others through authentic concern and service.  They see success as making others successful.  They seek the good in and for others.

“Bridges” are relational roadways that supersede those things in our culture that some allow, or even use, to divide. (race, religion, politics, etc)  In addition to building bridges, effective leaders also proactively work to eliminate relational “roadblocks.”

As a follower of Christ, you are called to build bridges that lead people to God.  Paul refers to this as the ministry (message, task) of reconciliation.  Wise leaders, motivated by this vision and understanding the big picture, will make choices in light of “bridge or roadblock” consequences with people.  For example, there are some issues that are just not worth discussing (arguing) openly on social media, for they tend to divide way more than unite.  You may have strong opinions, but in light of the big picture, it’s just not worth it. Likewise, there may be things you have the freedom to do, but it is just not wise in light of your vision.  Effective leaders use wise discernment in these areas.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19, “And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. 19 For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.”

 

5)  …understand branding.  

Branding and marketing are a part of our everyday lives.  Although they don’t understand all the ins and outs of marketing, even my elementary school kids know well that brands carry reputations and clear messages that are associated with them.  While we understand the damage a bad review or flaw can cause a product, we don’t often understand what branding has to do with leadership.  Here is what many people miss:  YOU are a brand!  Everything you say and do sends a message about who you are and what you are about.  Every social media “like,” repost, and comment tells a story about your brand.  Countless students have been passed up for athletic or academic scholarships because of the way they have tarnished their brand via unwise choices.  Countless leaders have lost significance influence because of the way people see their brand.

For someone who is a follower of Jesus, brand awareness is of huge significance.
2 Corinthians 5:20 states, “So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, ‘Come back to God!’”  When we put the label “Jesus-follower” on our lives, we are representing the person and message of Jesus to the world.  Even more than that, we are speaking on behalf of God to this world as we build bridges for others to know him.

What do our lives say and show others about who Jesus really is?

2 Corinthians 5:20, “So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”

 

These principles are significant for leading well in any area of your life.  These verses are a great reminder that that God wants to use your influence for eternal significance.  Honestly assess how well you are doing in each area, and make necessary changes where you can improve.  Your future self (and others) will thank you for the work you put into your leadership today!